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my place 2003-05-10 - 1:53 p.m. feeling: 
I keep on feeling like I have voyeuristic/exhibitionist tendencies from keeping this diary and looking at other diaries. I guess I'm still adjusting to the idea that other people can have access to such a personal medium. I'm generally not that much of an open person- I tend to keep most of my thoughts and feelings to myself. I mean, I've always been rather shy. Until I hit elementary school, I wouldn't even talk to people outside my family. My preschool teachers had to ask my parents if I could talk. I was the kid that didn't like being on Santa's lap, let alone hugging Micky Mouse. And while it seems funny now, that shyness has been a difficult thing to get over. This is rather liberating, actually. I do worry if I'm too concerned about what other people think, though. I keep on finding myself desperately wanting people to like me, to approve of me. I worry that I won't let loose enough because of this. But since I recognize it, I'll work to overcome it. After all, it is my place. And speaking of places of my own, can I just repeat that I can't wait to live away from my parents? I keep on getting fantasies of how great it will be when I finally have my own place free of parental involvement. I want that independence so bad I can almost taste it. In just under four months, at least. |
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